


lust/sin

by iori_sempai



Category: BlazBlue
Genre: Dream Sex, Dubious Consent, Fantasizing, M/M, Sibling Incest, Somnophilia, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-15
Updated: 2012-12-15
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:32:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iori_sempai/pseuds/iori_sempai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Ragna finds himself stricken with sexual fantasies of his little brother, and struggles not to let it show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lust/sin

Ragna doesn't know what to do when everything turns out wrong, when he hears all the things boys even younger than him confess to as they flip through a trashy magazine during break and Ragna realizes he's never felt any of that. He convinces himself that he's just a late bloomer, that he can't think about girls when there's work after school and two siblings waiting for every second of his attention at home. He certainly likes girls, thinks that the daughter of the baker he works for is beautiful and sweet, but balks at the thought of touching her, of her touching him. That's alright-- he's only fourteen and despite what the other kids in class say, there's no need for dates and girls and sex. Especially not for him.  
  
Even so, Ragna still feels that silent pressure, can't help but be completely relieved when a girl from the next grade asks him out. There's a date planned that goes without a single hitch until the final moments when she thanks him for the day. Ragna assumes that's the end of it, but then she's kissing him, and Ragna's skin is crawling the instant she presses her tongue into his mouth. Within seconds, he's pushing her away, furiously apologizing. God, the look on her face makes him want to run and hide, like he's the only man in the world who has ever considered rejecting a pretty girl like her-- like he isn't _normal_.  
  
And he isn't.  
  
His classmates make it quite obvious with their jeers once the news spreads, painting him as some clumsy virgin who didn't even know how to kiss correctly. Even Sister hears and touches his shoulder, encouragingly tells him that everything comes with time and Ragna's cheeks burn with humiliation at those words. Even though she's done so much for him, all of them, Ragna can't help but hate her ignorance, can't help wish he had a father to depend on for problems like this that Sister would never understand.  
  
Ragna tells himself it doesn't matter, lets himself believe in the silly things Sister has told him, that it-- desire, lust, normality-- will come to him eventually, when it's time.  
  
Oh, and indeed, desire and lust come, hit him square in the gut like a sucker punch he never believed in. Ragna sucks in an unsteady breath, desperately trying to shake off the remnants of a too-intense dream. And just like that, every hope of someday becoming ordinary has been shattered to pieces.  
  
"Nii-san..?"  
  
Jin peering down at him from the edge of his bed, gaze filled with worry, is the absolute last thing that Ragna needs to see right now. "You were tossing and turning in your sleep. Did you have a bad dream?" Jin extends his hand, those small fingers brushing against Ragna's shoulder (digging in hard). When Ragna doesn't respond, Jin leans in a little bit more (against his lips), and carefully ventures, "Nii-san?" (moans it, _begs_ \--).  
  
Ragna chokes down those relentless thoughts, pushes, "Yeah," out of his throat. He swallows again, refuses to look up at his little brother and mutters, "A real awful one."  
  
Jin doesn't question him further; he waits there for moment longer before thankfully heading back to bed and is asleep in minutes. But Ragna can't sleep at all that night, doesn't the next, is so afraid to sleep and have that scene play out before him again. No matter how many times he tells himself that it's only a dream, that he is being silly and paranoid-- the fear that there's more to it grips him.  
  
Ragna had wanted so badly to be average, yearned to grow up in a normal family with parents, to not have to work or be solely responsible for his younger siblings. Since the day he was born, however, no such mercy had ever been given to him, and Ragna starts to think that all his prayers will remain unheard until he overcomes trial after awful trial.  
  
But this is something different, something he doesn't know how to overcome. Jin's voice is wavering and uncertain as Ragna pulls his shirt up his chest, letting out a breath he's been holding. Ragna can hardly believe the way that Jin's boyish body lights a fire right in his core. Need consequently floods him, and the dirty, filthy desire to reach out and touch his brother in ways he'd never thought about completely fills his being.  
  
In his dreams, he touches Jin all over, rubs at Jin's slender chest, squeezing at his nipples until Jin whimpers. "Nii-san," he says unsurely, reaches out to wrap his arms around his brother's neck as Ragna clutches his thigh, marvels at how warm and soft his skin is. Oh, he wants to grip it hard, leave bruises in the shape of his fingers all over Jin's pale body, but before Ragna can get lost in that, Jin tilts his head the same way he does for a goodnight kiss. Ragna indulges him, gives him one that is not innocent and chaste, one that makes Jin shut his eyes and tremble once Ragna slips in his tongue to stroke against Jin's, finally understanding the appeal of what that girl had been trying on their date.  
  
When he pulls away, Jin is flushed and gasping for air, looking up at him with the strangest expression on his face. "I-I'm sorry, Nii-san," he nearly cries, and all Ragna can think is, Tell me to stop, oh, God, please-- "You've already done so much, but... it's not enough." Those words make Ragna want to blanch. Horrifying, aching need coils in his stomach when he sees Jin's eyes, his pupils wide and wanton, reflecting only Ragna's selfish desires.  
  
"I want more."  
  
And even though it's wrong wrong wrong, Ragna greedily tugs those shorts down, gives Jin (himself) just what he wants.  
  
Ragna is wide awake well before the sun rises, in the bathroom scrubbing at his soiled sheets with furious vigor. The harder he scrubs at the white splotches, the more he feels like they will never go away, that this is all in vain. Even if he bleached them clean, these would still be the sheets that he lay in at night, involuntarily thinking secret, dark thoughts about his own younger brother.  
  
Immediately, he wants to burn them instead.  
  
Ragna wrings the cloth hard, finally feels the soft stare at his back. He doesn't turn around, knows that Jin is right there, and that even looking would make him feel like a bastard all over again. Ragna performs his motions more calmly, quietly so that Jin can say what he wants and go back to bed already.  
  
Soon enough, Jin's voice comes, soft and cautious. "Nii-san... did you have an accident?"  
  
An accident. Heh. Ragna doesn't know what this is-- fate or incident or condemnation due to some past sin he doesn't even remember. Regardless of that unknown truth, he sighs, "Yeah. Nii-san did."  
  
"...Was it because of another nightmare?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Silence stretches on and Jin stands there hesitantly; Ragna can still feel his gaze resting on him. Despite Ragna's meager responses and lack of attention, Jin soldiers on anyway, finally asking, "Do you want to talk about it..?"  
  
That makes Ragna halt in his scrubbing and swallow hard. He can't keep the frustration out of his voice when he says, "Go back to sleep, Jin. You need to be up for school in a couple hours."  
  
"O-okay, Nii-san." Shit, Jin sounds like he's about to cry, but he's gone from the doorway by the time Ragna casts a glance.  
  
In any other circumstance, Ragna would reluctantly go comfort Jin and reassure him that he isn't angry, instead blaming these repugnant dreams for making him bitter and withdrawn. But Ragna doesn't trust himself right now, doesn't know if he can be a brother when there is something inside of him begging to be a monster instead.  
  
Still, he tries to reel it in, cage and control that malevolent urge within him. Ragna tells himself that fine, okay, this awful part of him is a part of him that isn't going away soon (but will one day, once Jin is grown up and stops looking at him with those eyes). He can have these thoughts in his sleep, so long as the moment Jin wakes up, Ragna is there for him, is the same protective older brother he's always been.  
  
To Ragna's surprise, that seems to work-- lets him escape self-hatred during the day and actually look at Jin without guilt, reserving all his disgust for those moments where he lies awake in bed. He berates, degrades himself relentlessly for even being able to imagine touching Jin until he falls asleep and does it all over again.  
  
His little brother is beneath him, stripped down to his underwear, red and purple marks on his chest and neck like unyielding reminders of yesterday's fantasy. Jin has that imploring look on his face again, like he's about to ask something he know Ragna will want to say no to (but if Ragna can't say no to himself here, how can he deny Jin anything at all?). "Nii-san," Jin starts, breath hitching when Ragna slips his hand down Jin's stomach to cup his budding erection. Suddenly Jin's fingers are curling around Ragna's forearm, his cheeks flush and he says, "You should feel good, too,"  
  
Ragna sucks in a breath, calms the sudden impulse to let Jin make that possible. Instead he nervously chokes out, "Touching you makes me feel good," and immediately realizes it to be the shameful truth. So far all Ragna has gotten off on is caressing Jin's smooth skin, wrapping his fingers around Jin's cock and watching how his little brother thrashes and moans and climaxes. Just that is enough, is already too much.  
  
Jin frowns and looks down at the bulge in Ragna's pants, refusing to take that as an acceptable answer. Instead, he sternly declares, "Then, I want to make you feel good," and reaches out to brush his fingers against it. Ragna has to bite back a pleased moan, all those fledgling complaints so very irrelevant because Jin's fingers unfasten his pants, slip into his boxers and make him groan before coherent thought can return to Ragna's mind. Jin tugs, pumps at his cock with his small hands, thumb expertly brushing all the sensitive spots around the head.  
  
"Jin," he sucks in, can't believe how amazing Jin's fingers feel on his cock, how close he is just from being stroked for a couple minutes. There's a moan caught in his throat as he cracks his eyes open to look at Jin's face, so delighted with being able make his big brother feel good. Ragna wants to tell Jin that this shouldn't make him happy, that this is horrible and wrong and they shouldn't be doing it even if it's only a dream, but ohh, Jin just moves his hands more insistently. Ragna's body doesn't listen to reason either, bucks hard into Jin's palm as he moans out and--  
  
"Nii-san," is spoken pitifully in Jin's voice, heavy, clear, _real._ Ragna's eyes shoot open. Jin sits on the edge of the bed looking completely unnerved, his hand resting on Ragna's shoulder.  
  
Arousal still runs hot through his veins, and Ragna tries hard to ignore all that, takes deep breaths before opening his mouth. "What's wrong? You can't sleep?" he asks, a little raspy.  
  
Jin doesn't seem to mind or notice at all, instead shakes his head. "It's... it's a full moon tonight." Oh, God-- Ragna's gaze flits to the window to confirm it, and Jin's fingers tighten in his shirt. "I really tried to go back to sleep... but I can't." No, no, this is not what Ragna needs at all right now, not Jin looking down on him tearfully, asking his big brother, "Can I sleep with you tonight? Please, Nii-san."  
  
Ragna wants to say no, but oh, he had promised that he'd be there for Jin when he needed him, that he wouldn't let this _thing_ make Jin suffer, too. Ragna knows how sensitive a child Jin is, that the last few weeks he's been neglecting him a little, and this is probably Jin's way of seeking comfort for that. "Alright, come on," he finally says, watches how relief rushes through Jin before he rolls over to face the wall. Jin crawls into the bed beside him and Ragna has to squeeze his eyes shut, think of anything but the warm press of his brother against his shoulder.  
  
An hour later, Jin has rolled onto his back, one hand curling at Ragna's hip; Ragna is awake, staring hard at the wall. He just has to wait until morning and everything will be fine-- Jin will be cheerful again, Ragna will be able to ignore all this, and everything will be okay as long as he doesn't break now.  
  
Jin moves in his sleep, slips his hand down Ragna's thigh and instantly Ragna recalls the fantasy that had been interrupted, of Jin reciprocating, of Jin begging to make Ragna come this time. _No_ , he bites his lips, but nothing he tries quenches the growing fire in his stomach, not logic, not emotion. That monster inside hasn't had his fill, wants more, can't resist the lovely magnetism of Jin's warmth.  
  
It isn't fair, Ragna insists, Jin needs him, needs his older brother (but that was just during the day, wasn't it?)  
  
(That was only while Jin was awake).  
  
Ragna's heart is beating out of his chest as he turns around in bed. His simple appraising gaze over Jin turns into a full stare of wonder shortly, and Ragna is caught in surprise. When the hell did Jin get so beautiful? Even his dreams had been off the mark, hadn't captured the fullness of Jin's blond eyelashes, the pale pink of his lips. Before he knows it, looking becomes touching and one finger is carefully tracing a path down Jin's jaw. Even though Ragna does things like this all the time, in the cover of night, it all feels so very different and intimate and dirty.  
  
Jin's lips part and he lets out a soft noise that startles Ragna into retracting his fingers, his heart pounding a mile a minute. Jin only moves a fraction, stretches so that the flesh of his calf presses against Ragna's knee.  
  
Oh God. Ragna is in torment as he thinks about how warm Jin's leg is against him. Somehow his hand is already pushing up Jin's shirt, softly touching his stomach, marveling at the heat of his skin and how it seeps right into his fingers.  
  
Ragna wants to scream, to shake Jin awake and kick him out of this bed, to cry because what he is truly aching for is right before him, and his body refuses to acknowledge how abhorrent it is. Ragna's breath comes in harsh pants, eyes wide as he slips his hand a little higher up Jin's shirt; his fingers brush against the softness of his brother's chest as gently as they can until they reach a nipple. Oh, the things he'd done to them in his head, rubbed and pinched and sucked hard at the poor nubs until they were red and swollen and Jin's cock was aching for similar treatment--  
  
Ragna swallows that thought down, pulls his hand away as fast as he can without risking waking Jin. Touching is bad enough. No way would he caress the lean muscles of Jin's stomach, squeeze at his hips or... _touch_ him. Yet, there's a part of him that doesn't want to listen. After all, Jin had been made so pretty-- for him maybe, to damn him all the way to hell-- and Ragna just wants to admire that, wants to...  
  
His hand slips down Jin's side without his permission, strokes those slim hips through Jin's shorts, skims over the skin of his thigh. Once Ragna's hand is at his knee, Jin suddenly moans. Ragna jerks away, quickly muffles his shaky, terrified breathing with a hand over his mouth, and calms the ghastly sense of pleasure welling up inside. Jin is just dreaming something again-- Ragna hadn't been the source of that lovely sound from Jin's mouth (oh, but he could be, if he simply let himself).  
  
Jin begins to stir, no doubt woken up by Ragna's startled movement. Ragna struggles to get his heartbeat back under control, to convince Jin that there is absolutely nothing wrong. "Mm... Nii-san?" Jin's eyelashes flutter until his eyes crack open. His face adopts an endearing expression, lips twisted into a sleepy frown, "What is it?"  
  
"Nothing, it just," Ragna hates how he sounds, husky and still breathing too hard. He licks his lips, and tries again, "It just sounded like you were having another nightmare."  
  
"Oh. Okay," Jin murmurs softly and shuts his eyes, seemingly content with that answer. After a few soft breaths, he shifts a little, presses right against Ragna's side. "Thanks, Nii-san," Jin says as an afterthought, then squints up at him and smiles, "I love you."  
  
Ragna knows what's next. He's supposed to say it back, lean down, and kiss his little brother goodnight, the way he always did after waking Jin from a nightmare. With a tight smile, Ragna reaches out to brush the hair out of his face and says, "I love you, too." He tries his best to ignore Jin's look of muddled disappointment when Ragna presses a kiss to the side of his head instead of his face. Surprisingly, Jin doesn't argue. Ragna doesn't have the energy to wonder if it's because he's tired or dejected.  
  
Minutes pass, a few become several and soon more than an hour has gone by with Ragna exhausted and loathsome. But no matter how much he barks at himself for everything he's done, thought, might one day do, Ragna can't sleep a wink until he dips down to give Jin a proper kiss.  
  
And like that, the border between night and day, man and beast, responsibility and shamelessness crashes down around his ears. Ragna's eyes are constantly drawn to Jin-- the concerned glances of yesterday replaced with lechery as he traces the line of Jin's body while he chases Saya around in the yard. Even something as mundane as Jin stretching to get something out of the cabinet is perverted by his gaze; when his shirt starts to ride up, Ragna can't stop staring, can't stop wanting to press his hand against the flesh at Jin's back.  
  
So he avoids Jin, has to, feels like he's corrupting his brother simply from being in his presence. If things keep on like this, all Ragna's impurities might stain him just as deeply, and then Jin would never have the chance of being ordinary either. With that in mind, the guilt from seeing Jin's heartbroken face when he breaks another arrangement with him is only slightly vexing.  
  
Most awful is, of course, the nightly escapades that have only grown more tormenting now that Ragna has more than imagination to draw from; Ragna has stroked that searing skin, pressed a truly sinful kiss to Jin's lips in the dark. Each image in his head becomes even more vivid with time, like his every sense has turned hypersensitive for the sole purpose of making these fantasies that much more real.  
  
When he's asleep, Ragna tries to convince himself that there's no point holding back anymore, not when arousal and Jin go hand in hand; he crushes their mouths together and Jin only moans, sounds so good against him (just like that night). Ragna's fingers slide up Jin's shirt, tug it off as quickly as he can before pulling his brother into his lap.  
  
Just from that kiss, from Ragna showing his lust so fiercely, Jin is hard in his pants, trembling-- but not with fear. Jin never denies him here, never rejects him, instead tightly grasps Ragna's sleeves, looking dazzled and needy. "That... that felt good, Nii-san," he murmurs between gasps and licks his bottom lip nervously. Just as he draws his tongue back into his mouth, Ragna leans forward to chase after it with his own.  
  
Jin's lips are plump and feather soft, sticky with want and tiny moans that spill out. Ragna tilts his head to the side and Jin's arms go around his neck, pulling him closer, opening his mouth to eagerly return Ragna's affection. Ragna isn't sure how he can even breathe once they part: Jin's lips are flushed red and wet with saliva, his small chest heaving as he raises his gaze to Ragna's face. He doesn't need to hear Jin urge, "Don't stop now," to know that he wants more (but he loves the way it sounds).  
  
"I won't," Ragna assures him. His voice is so heavy and strange to himself, but there are more important things, pleasure and want and Jin's lithe body to think about instead. Ragna peppers kisses over Jin, against his jaw and neck, sucking softly, then licks a path to the middle of Jin's chest. Jin lets out soft hums and groans, making occasional sounds of objection as the hand settled at his waistband stays right where it is.  
  
Enclosing his lips over a nipple, Ragna suckles and nibbles at it, feels it harden against his tongue. Jin starts to squirms impatiently in Ragna's lap, wants to be touched fully instead of teased, and Ragna has to choke back a sudden moan from the press of Jin's ass against his cock. All he can think about is how this could become even worse (better) with Jin writhing in his lap, right on his cock.  
  
A shaky breath makes its way past Ragna's lips and all he can say is, "Fuck, Jin... I-- I want you so bad." He wants to tug down Jin's shorts and slip his fingers inside his ass, spread him wide and take him, but even here that's too damn much to ask for--  
  
"Nii-san can do anything."  
  
Ragna is honestly surprised by the amount of obstinacy in Jin's voice in that sentence. Jin looks up at him from beneath his lashes, face flushed and desperate as he tells him, soft and adoring and so, so naive, "I love you. So you can do whatever you want."  
  
Ragna's heart is beating so fast in his chest at those words, feels a surge of guilt and lust both. Something inside of him is overflowing, his whole body trembling with anticipation. Ragna's clumsy fingers push a bit of hair behind Jin's ear, and he whispers, "Me, too, Jin. I love you so much."  
  
The look of utter joy on Jin's face at those words is all that Ragna has to comfort him when that final bulwark breaks.  
  
Soft groans pour from Jin's mouth as Ragna's fingers dig deeper inside of him, and Ragna can hardly wait for the moment when Jin begins to lower himself onto his erection. Tears are welling up in his eyes and gasps are on his tongue, but Ragna can't do much more than hold himself still and beg Jin to relax. With a moan, Ragna finally opens his eyes to Jin's pained ones and presses his lips to those tear streaked cheeks, urging Jin to breathe deeply and calm himself.  
  
Jin nods, face red with effort as he does his best to follow Ragna's instructions, because more than anything, Jin is so very eager to please him. "I'm sorry it hurts so much," Ragna murmurs into Jin's throat, running a hand down his spine in an attempt to ease him.  
  
"It's okay, Nii-san," Jin lets out another sharp breath, tries to smile. "It'll... feel good, right?"  
  
Ragna's mouth goes dry. He gruffly says, "Yeah. I'll make sure it does," and his fingers are kneading at the sensitive flesh of Jin's thighs, one hand finally moving to stroke at Jin's aching cock. Jin jolts, clenching down on Ragna as he does; Ragna moans in surprise, and it takes everything in him not to raise his hips.  
  
He's panting, and Jin looks so surprised, face flushing. "It feels better than before when you do that," he says, so Ragna does it again, pulls at Jin's cock and thumbs the slit of the crown, rocking upwards just a bit when Jin's ass squeezes tight around his cock in response.  
  
Oh, Jin is moaning so openly against him after a couple minutes, and Ragna can't resist any longer, mutters, "I'm going to move a little more... okay?"  
  
Jin looks like he's been woken from a daze, licks his lips, so abashed, "Sorry, Nii-san.. it felt so good that I forgot." Ragna puts an arm around Jin's hips for support as he pulls out a little. The action makes Jin's body shudder, prompting Ragna to stroke harder at Jin's cock to help the discomfort melt away before he exhales and begins to thrust antagonizingly slowly into Jin's ass.  
  
Groaning softly, Ragna leans forward to kiss at Jin's lips as he repeats the steady, shallow thrusts. "Does it feel okay?" he finally remembers to ask between movements.  
  
Jin is breathing hard, but there thankfully aren't any tears in his eyes. "It feels really, really weird," he says with a frown. When he sees the look on Ragna's face, quickly adds, "It doesn't hurt anymore!" Ragna knows that it's a lie. He sees the way Jin winces when he starts to pulls out, but here Jin is, trying to be strong for him.  
  
He leans in for another kiss, this time coaxing Jin's tongue into his mouth to suck softly on it. Ragna rolls his hips, and suddenly Jin is pulling away from him-- God, for a second Ragna is terrified that he's done something wrong, that Jin wants to stop-- but Jin's moaning out, "Do that again!" Ragna repeats the motion to hear another sweet whimper make its way out, greedy eyes sweeping over Jin's body.  
  
"Jin," he breathes, hesitation, so much want in his tone, "Can I go a little faster? It might hurt more..."  
  
Jin doesn't answer. Ragna isn't sure if Jin even hears his words over all the groaning and gasping he does every time Ragna nudges that knot of nerves. Before he can repeat the question, Jin is answering in his own way, clutching tightly to Ragna's shirt, starting to rock his hips into Ragna's thrusts to make them hit harder, deeper.  
  
With a hard swallow, Ragna takes that as a yes, raises his hips higher, faster into his ass until Jin starts to sob with pleasure, and Ragna can't even breathe. He twists an arm around Jin's waist to pull him right against his chest, angling his hips to make Jin cry out even louder. Jin grips hard at Ragna's shoulders in a wanton embrace, begging shameless incoherencies, "Nii-san, o-oh, please."  
  
Ragna squeezes his eyes shut, growls, "Fuck, Jin, it feels so amazing inside you... I've never felt this fucking good in my life." God, he's going to come soon, and it feels like he's going to lose his consciousness and sanity when he does. Ragna pounds into his little brother's ass harder, nailing his prostrate and making Jin moan right against his ear.  
  
"M-Me, neither," Jin says, so happy to be ruined by his older brother, like he would gladly share anything with Ragna, even if it's nothing more than insurmountable sin and pleasure.  
  
At the end of a strong thrust, Jin lets out such an odd, choked sound and, without warning, climaxes between their stomachs. Oh fuck, the way that Jin's ass tightens on his cock, the wonderful whimpers from his mouth (the awful wrongness of it all) are too much--  
  
He wakes up.  
  
After that, Ragna doesn't even know what to think of himself, lying in bed, boxers sticky and wet. He's scared, bewildered of and disgusted with himself, thinks that the longer he spends by Jin's side, the more irreparable they'll both become.  
  
Right in the middle of this predicament, the news of Saya's illness reaches him. Maybe that is the most mercy Ragna will ever be given, another crisis that he can focus on until Jin and all these aimless feelings are gone from his head.  
  
Oh, but Jin is not the problem-- he's a boy, a needy, needy child who confronts Ragna after three days of little more than having meals and walking to school together. There's both frustration and sorrow in his eyes when he asks, "Is Nii-san... mad at me?"  
  
And how can Ragna explain that it's not Jin, it's him that is the problem? He sighs, says, "Of course not, Jin," but Jin doesn't believe him, only frowns more deeply when Ragna tries to turn away.  
  
"... Is this because of what happened the other night..?"  
  
Ragna's blood runs cold at the thought. Does Jin know? Had he been awake when Ragna had leaned over and touched him, molested him, kissed him as though they could ever be something more than brothers, as though he ailed for it--  
  
"I'm sorry, I, I know you don't like it when I sleep in your bed." Ragna's horror is quickly replaced with relief, and then eclipsed by guilt once Jin begins to wipe at tears that haven't come yet, but are imminent. "Even though I knew you were having trouble sleeping, you couldn't sleep because I kept having nightmares..." Ragna is already stooping down when Jin starts to cry, covering his face with his hands, "I won't do it again. I promise! So... don't me mad at me anymore, Nii-san!"  
  
Ragna pulls Jin's hands away from his face and wants nothing more than to kiss those tears away, wants nothing more to tell Jin the truth. Of course, Ragna isn't mad at him, instead he loves Jin, loves him so very much that being around him is difficult. But Jin wouldn't understand that at all, would he? Jin would be so confused and incredulous at how love could ever be bad, would insist that he loved Ragna just as much, that there wasn't any problem with it.  
  
After all, Jin would do anything to make Ragna stay with him, wouldn't he? In a shock of realization, Ragna suddenly understands why his awful lust is so damning and tantalizing. His dreams aren't a far-off fantasy at all. They're right in front of him if he wants them enough.  
  
Ragna chokes down a horrified gasp, swallows and forces a smile as he strokes Jin's hair, preparing to tell Jin anything that will give him time, an excuse. "I'm not mad at you. Things have just gotten really busy at the shop, and now that Saya's sick again, I don't have a lot of free time." Jin has stopped crying, instead rubs at his eyes, swallowing down his sobs. Ragna cups his brother's face, speaks soft and gently, "Once she gets better, I'll take a few days off, and we can go down to the park together. You always liked that, right?"  
  
Jin looks so meek and suspicious of him, but once the hiccuping stops, he finally asks, "You promise?"  
  
Ragna presses a kiss to his cheek, sternly tells himself that this is the farthest he'll ever be to tainting his only brother. "I promise."  
  
(And it's his selfishness that hopes that Saya doesn't get better, not for a long time).


End file.
